Peccatum Tacituritatis
by kataract52
Summary: One-shot. How does Cyclops deal with the tragedy inflicted by his cause?


**Disclaimer: **I do not own.

**Summary: **One-shot. How does Cyclops deal with the tragedy inflicted by his cause?

**Notes: **This story is slightly AU. The two biggest changes are the existence of Nate Summers and my own OC, Honor LeBeau. Otherwise, everything's pretty standard. Enjoy!

**Peccatum Tacituritatis**

Scott Summers wasn't Headmaster for the sole purpose of picking and grooming tomorrow's superheroes. He loved kids. Most of them, anyway. It was a shame that _his_ child was so far away and only knew Scott through his mother's warped stories of abandonment and betrayal. Nate was a stranger to him, though it hurt to acknowledge it. Although his son was barely a man (sixteen this year), it was clear to everyone that Nate would never take up his father's legacy. Very well. Scott had endured and witnessed things that he would never wish on anyone, and if sending his son away was the best way to protect him, so be it.

There were still times when he wished Nate saw him the way his students did – brave, invincible, magnetic. Children were gullible and found power glorious. As they aged and became more worldly, the sheen would inevitably fade. But Nate had never looked up at him with worshipful blue eyes. _Never_. Scott hoped his children with Jean would idolize him, if only for the first year before they realized the world encompassed more people than just their parents. They'd have less to be impressed with, too. He'd stay on as a teacher and Headmaster, but he could never go into combat once he had a child at home. He knew his priorities would change, that going home would be more important than victory. So his children with Jean would have to be impressed by the way he fixed a leaky faucet and assigned extra credit. No more troops at his command, no more foreign places to explore, no more battle strategies to execute. Those things were hard to get and even harder to give up, but there were circumstances where it was necessary.

Honor LeBeau was a _great_ example of that.

During the summer break between semesters, Gambit retired to California and took a powerless Rogue with him. Scott envied their endless, lazy days by the beach. Even without students or his classes, he was by no means on vacation. Just as things settled down again before the start of the new school year, Gambit called to say he had an eleven-year-old daughter in need of Xavier's structure and education. The staff welcomed her with open arms. Storm even agreed to be the girl's godmother without meeting her first. (That whole situation struck Scott as a little strange and even Jean suspected some untold bond between them. It bothered him that they would never _know_.) As Headmaster, he didn't normally discriminate when it came to students, but he knew Honor would be a thorn right away. And she was. Underhanded. Disobedient. Irritable. Unlike her father, she was quiet about it. But Scott only took his eyes off her _once_. It was a façade to make people trust her and look away – there was always a student (or two) willing to scream and blow up for attention. Once Honor was left to her own devices, she was breaking into the Danger Room or sneaking off campus or hacking Kitty's personal computer files. One thing she didn't do (but other students did) was steal answer keys. He'd never caught her cheating. No, the girl was extremely intelligent. As a matter of fact, she had _plenty_ of good characteristics, but they'd never develop into long-term behaviors. And her father was the biggest reason for it.

Every time Gambit left for a mission, Honor became depressed. She was quiet and withdrawn anyway, but when she was depressed, she acted out. Of course, he tried speaking to Gambit about it, but the man couldn't keep a cat alive, let alone raise a little girl! He put the blame on _Scott_, saying it must've been the others _provoking_ her since she was so well behaved around him! (He refused to believe his _absence_ could affect her as much as his _presence_.) Things got so bad that Jeannie was considering putting her on academic probation, even though _academically_ she'd done nothing wrong. Several times, Jean voiced concern for Honor. She really was the mother hen of their little family. It was heart-warming the way she invited all of these children into her life, the way she completely accepted and adored them – even the strange and ill-tempered ones. Honor was her personal pet project, and Jean protected her from everything: even the consequences she deserved. In the end, Hank agreed to take Honor under his wing during periods of Gambit's absence, and it seemed to help. But every time he left, like today, Scott _knew_ she was a time bomb waiting to go off.

Scott wanted Gambit to become a full time mentor and leave his combat days for good, but somehow, the Cajun always seemed to get back on the roster. And even _he_ had to admit, Gambit was good at what he did. No one else could do his job. When it came to working intell, he was the best they had. _That_ was Scott's job, making sure his team had the best resources and performed at their best – not minding the well-fare of his teammate's families!

Honor needed to learn the world didn't revolve around _her_. What she needed wasn't space to act however she wanted! She needed discipline, structure, responsibilities and consequences, and Scott was (apparently) the only one to provide her with these things. Often, Jeannie pressed him to be more patient and he pressed her to be more strict. They could usually compromise on a healthy medium, but when it came to Honor, Jean wouldn't give.

'_She's going through a lot; she's just lost her mother'_, she'd remind him. Like _he'd_ never lost _his_ mother. _'She's in a new and scary place; give her time to adjust.' _As a child, _he'd_ changed foster homes more often than he did underwear. _'She's only acting out because she can't express her fear and anger.'_ Too bad!

Her latest tantrum started on the hanger today. She bid farewell to her father with dry and bright eyes, and watched him leave with a smile. Once the Blackbird was out of sight, her chin trembled and then she burst into tears. A large part of Scott wanted to shake sense into her. She was _twelve_, not _two!_ Hank wrapped his massive, blue arms around her and she wept loudly on his shoulder. Scott tried to be sympathetic. The girl obviously had a lot of abandonment issues, but still, there was a time and a place to be weak. He had to leave before he said something he couldn't retract. It didn't mean he didn't _care_, but he'd lost too many friends, too many teammates. The burden of guilt and sorrow wore heavy on him, and if he took on the additional fear of loss to come, he would break. He had to focus on the reason _why_ brave souls took the risk. The X-Men had banded together to promote a better future for their loved ones, even at the cost of their lives. Each and every member knew the risk they were taking. They had their own reasons for joining, and it _wasn't_ because Scott forced them into it.

That afternoon after Gambit's departure, Honor blew up in Xavier's philosophy class. (She'd never enjoyed Xavier's teaching method and made no secret about it, which was extremely disrespectful.) To encourage participation, Xavier often had the children hold debates or open-class discussions. Although the discussions occasionally turned ugly and often hurt feelings, it was a good practice for tolerance. It was during one of these discussions that Honor got carried away. She took a heated debate between herself and Professor X on the merits of civil disobedience and turned it into an opportunity to blame Xavier for all her radical fears. She told her instructor that he ran a "fascist cult", where individuals were _not_ valued but used as "tools". She accused Xavier of "gladly" sacrificing his minority for the good of the majority, thus perpetuating the state of oppression he fought against.

She wasn't the first person to accuse him of such things, but Xavier was deeply shaken by her words. Scott assumed it was her youth and because she was his student and a child of one of his disciples that upset him so much. Xavier wasn't as young and strong as he used to be. He wanted to know that his life's work _counted_ for something, and to hear such accusations from a child he loved and mentored wounded him. Worse, Xavier said he sensed the other children siding with Honor. He didn't even have the strength of his convictions to argue her points.

"What good are my intentions if they make her an orphan?" He asked Scott, sounding weary. "It is true that Gambit shares my dream of a peace between mutants and humans… But everyone who loves him stands opposed to it. What if they only oppose it for love of him? Cyclops, I fear I have doomed us all."

Scott couldn't believe that one little girl could kick around his mentor with her _words_.

"If anyone _else_ had pulled that stunt, they'd be expelled!" He argued with Jeannie, once they were alone. "What she needs _isn't _special treatment or another chance! She's gotten enough of those! What she _needs_ is to face the consequences of her actions!"

"Anyone _else_ would have somewhere else to go," Jean countered. "Where am I going to send her, Scott?"

"Love, that's not your problem."

Jean gave him a critical eye and he could feel her mind moving inside his. Telepathically, she asked, _*Why do you hate her?*_

_*I don't hate her.*_ But as soon as he thought it, he knew it for a lie.

_*She's a problem, I'll give you that, but she isn't going away. I refuse to give up on her. Her reason for acting out is simple. She adores her father too much to blame him for abandoning her, so she blames __**us**__ for taking him away. It's not any more complicated than that. I know it isn't fair, but that's how she's protecting the most scared bond she has… You can deal it with now, while she's young and forgiving, or you can keep fighting her. If you think she's a nuisance at twelve, imagine how much __**real**__ trouble she'll cause full-grown. She's just a little girl who wants her father to be safe, Scott, you can't hate her for that.*_

_*I can't __**give**__ her that. I can't make Gambit do – or __**not**__ do – anything he doesn't __**want**__ to. He'll probably get himself killed before he's thirty-five, regardless of where he is. At least __**here**__, his sacrifice will count.*_

_*Tell __**her**__ that,*_ Jean's heart pleaded. _* I promise it will help.*_

_*Help with __**what**__?*_

She reached deeper into their shared mental link and he received her in kind. She saw his petty resentment, his jealousy, his fear and his hope, but she couldn't sort them out any better than he could. Inside her heart, he saw only love. Unconditional, compassionate and eternal love for everyone she'd ever known. He didn't believe she could hate anyone, and she believed his resentment for Honor stemmed from his own shame of losing Nate.

Finally, Jean pulled away and told him, "She needs to see that you're a _good_ man, and not the cold-hearted tyrant she _thinks_ you are. I sense your reluctance to open up to her, although I can't clearly see why. If you're only avoiding her out of _spite_, then I think you need to re-examine her point of view. Maybe she's right, and you don't care who lives or dies anymore. But if you're avoiding her out of _love_, she needs to know that, too. She needs to know you can't send him into danger without seeing how devastated she'd be if anything happened to him. And other people rely on Gambit. They rely on you to make the hard decisions, to take the risks. I know you don't want to lose anyone. But Honor doesn't see the parts of you that I do. It isn't right for her to hate you. Please talk to her… With everything she's being asked to sacrifice, she _deserves_ to hear the truth."

…

_Fin._

…

**Author's Notes: ** The title for this story is Latin for 'The Sin of Silence'. I detest Cyclops and I'm sure that came through just a little _((sarcasm))_, but I really like writing in shades of grey. In recent years, he's relished in the battle-hardened -commander role. With so much tragedy around him, there's only two ways to deal with it. Either he doesn't care or cares and doesn't show it or. I left the ending open because even though I'm pretty sure which direction he's swaying, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Please review! Let me know what you did or didn't like.


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